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That one comment about "show don't tell" finally clicked when my beta reader said my character was sad | Fix My First Draft - The Community Guide

cooper.taylor•4mo ago

That one comment about "show don't tell" finally clicked when my beta reader said my character was sad

I was writing this scene where my main character finds out her dog died. I wrote like three paragraphs about her crying and feeling empty. A beta reader just wrote "okay but show me she's sad, don't tell me" in the margins. At first I thought it was obvious she was sad. But then I realized I was just listing emotions instead of letting her actions speak. So I rewrote it where she just sits on the kitchen floor and stares at the dog's empty bowl for ten minutes. No tears, no inner monologue. Just that bowl. The reader said it hit way harder. Has anyone else had a piece of feedback that seemed too simple but actually changed your whole approach?

2 comments

2 Comments

matthew7034mo ago

Hold on, I gotta push back on this a little. I actually think that was bad advice from your beta reader. Sometimes telling the reader a character is sad is fine because it gives you room to show other things like why they're sad or what they're going to do next. Staring at a dog bowl for ten minutes is just one way to show sadness and it can get old if every emotion has to be acted out like that. Plus some readers will miss the point entirely if you don't spell it out for them.

patricianguyen4mo ago

matthew703 I see your point but I notice this pattern all the time in real life too. Like when someone at work tells me they're fine but they're slamming drawers and not making eye contact, that's the actual showing part. Or when my friend says she's happy for me but her arms are crossed and she's not asking questions. The staring at the dog bowl thing works because it forces the reader to pay attention to small details instead of just being told what to feel. Most people don't walk around announcing their emotions with a sign, they do little things that add up. The balance is knowing when to show and when to just say it, but leaning too hard on telling makes the writing feel flat like a report instead of a story.