Three months into my last job I figured out the locker room was a trap. I was spending 35 minutes a day on the whole shower and change routine, plus the gym bag smell was getting into my car. Now I just do a quick jog to the corner store and back, then use those cooling body wipes with aloe. Honestly the only thing I miss is the hot water on my back after a heavy leg day, but a 2 minute rinse at home before bed handles that. My skin actually cleared up too, the office shower heads were probably harboring some stuff.

Buddy of mine borrowed his neighbor's tiller for a tiny garden patch and ended up digging a trench deep enough to hide a body in. His wife came out, looked at the crater, and just handed him the neighbor's number to call and apologize in advance. Took him two weekends and a rental sod cutter to fix the mess, and now he only borrows hand tools.

At least the store manager got a free floor show with his dollar store chili. Next time just microwave a single cornbread square and call it a candle, way less drama and it might actually set off the right kind of alarm. Honestly, gas station food is a compliment compared to whatever smoked out a Whole Foods break room. Your ramen tests are smart, just remember to bring a fan next time.